All said and done, I win!


I work in a bank. Does that make me the part of a select few you should hate, because it was my greed destroyed the world economy? Why do you not see the reasons behind all this greed? Why do you not see that I have earned the right to be greedy after all the sacrifices I made? Yes, the most important part of my life is my paycheck, but I have sold my youth, my family and maybe my soul to earn each one of those six zeros.

Did I ever have a choice? Think about that guy who dated 10 women a month, including your high school prom queen while you studied for you SAT. Then the same guy woke up on a Saturday morning with a hangover and a girl he barely knew, exactly at the same time as you went to sleep after the twenty-third iteration on your business school essays. How would you feel if this guy drove a better car to the high-school reunion? Some call that feeling a mid-life crisis, I call it living hell. Now, all those who didn’t know my name in school will never forget the brand of car I owned.

Why should I be ashamed of trying to make a little more? It is me who spends 12 hours of the day in front of 4 computer screens, is it too much to ask that my bedroom window overlook the Central Park? It is me who comes to work everyday and smiles at the person who I hate most in the world (my boss), why should I not be able to go back to a hot wife and an efficient house-maid? I am the one who had to sacrifice all my friendships, and sometimes friends, to climb up what they call the corporate ladder, why should I not be able to enjoy a corporate vacation with my business contacts? 

Why should you blame me for being greedy? I am paid to be greedy! Do you think they need an MBA to sit on the trading floor and sell bonds for that they are really worth? Any idiot could do that. It takes skill, talent and a indescribable fire in your belly to sell them for more than what they are worth. Its a smart man’s world, survival of the fittest, as they would have taught you in school. A fool and his money are soon parted. I am just a means to that end. You say my bank lost money. No, the shareholders of my bank lost money, I still got my paycheck and only a slightly reduced bonus (no worries, the car I wanted to buy is cheaper too).

Why do you not see the power of money? Money is the reason why the smart man joins the bank and not the government (as a regulator). And that is the reason why the government can never control what the banks do. The government can only give your tax money to my bank so that it can pay my bonus instead of hiring a new teacher for the public school. That means while my kids go to a private school to be smart like me, your kids will browse porn and dream of screwing the centerfold. Its a vicious circle, money attracts money, you just need to be smart, like me.

Why do you say money can’t buy happiness. Go to any upscale bar in Manhattan on the Wall Street Bonus day and you will see what happiness means. Buy a car like mine and floor the gas in second gear, its pure bliss. Check out the latest latest Transformers movie on my new 60 inch screen and the Harmon Kardon home theatre, size does matter! You’d probably never be allowed into the Aviation club on 31st and Park, but imagine the delight of smoking a cigar in the lounge where only the richest few are let in. Finally, would you not happy to see that jealousy in everyone’s eyes when your trophy wife walk into a party wearing a gown designed especially for her but a top Italian designer. What else could make you happier?

What makes you think money corrupts minds? I am the one who hands out a dollar to the homeless guy on the corner while you hand out the dimes and nickels. Its not you who leaves the biggest tip at the restaurant and its not you who will walk away with a “Keep the Change.” I pay the bill at all college reunions if my friends cannot afford the nice bars.

You still think you will win in the long run? Go dream! Its a rich man’s world. You will pay your taxes every month, take your wife shopping at the local Wal-Mart (or maybe a Target), pay with your credit card, then pay a huge interest on it every month, pay your mortgage every month for that dump of a house you cannot logically afford. You spend “quality time” with your kids when you take them to a Dunkin Donuts and then plan the annual vacation to Disney and feel ‘happy’. What you don’t realize is that all of that contributes to my annual bonus. The same bonus I use to shop at Neiman Markus, take my quarterly vacation to Europe and buy that car that your wife secretly admires on the highway. So whatever you do, is all for my good!  

You can smile and think of my wife who left me, the uncertainty of my job, my drinking problem, my colleagues who bitch about me behind my back, the insomnia and the obesity, but there is a cure to everything. I have a younger, prettier wife who actually fits into a Gucci gown. The job loss will only give me more severance and pay for my trip to Venice while head-hunters hunt for me. I drink because I like it. My colleagues are wholly replaceable and they need me more than I need them. My doctor gives me pills for insomnia and they say obesity is a sign of prosperity, how true!  

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